Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used by one partner to establish and maintain control over his or her partner in an intimate relationship. Abuse can be physical and/or pychological and may occur in a variety of relationships: married, separated, divorced, dating, heterosexual, gay or lesbian.
Frequently, domestic violence includes:
- Threats of violence, suicide or to take children from the abused person
- Hitting, pushing, kicking or strangling
- Breaking objects and destroying property
- Hurting pets
- Using weapons to inflict physical and emotional pain
- Driving recklessly to endanger or scare the abused person
- Isolating family members from others, and controlling resources like money, vehicles, credit, and time
You may be a victim if:
- Your partner is violent towards you or threatens to hurt you or those you love
- You find yourself making excuses or minimizing your partner's behaviors
- Your partner has isolated you from friends or family
- Yyou blame yourself (or drugs or alcohol or stress) for your partner's violent behaviors
- Your partner harms or threatens to harm your children
- You lie to hide your partner's behavior (saying you fell down the stairs when you were actually pushed)
- Your partner humiliates you in public
- You fear going home
What to do if you are a victim:
- Develop a personalized safety plan for home, work and other places
- Obtain a domestic violence protection order
- Call 9-1-1 to summon law enforcement
- Seek medical attention, you may be injured more seriously than you think
- If you need to confront your abuser, do so in a public place.
- Use your own instincts and judgment. If the situation is very dangerous, consider giving the abuser what he/she wants to calm him/her down.
- If you feel comfortable and safe, keep a journal or diary that describes each time you suffer abuse
- Change your phone number and screen your calls
- Relocate and consider establishing a new identity http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10093.html.
- Vary your routine
- Inform your children's school, daycare, etc. about who has permission to pick up your children
Why do they stay? Victims often stay in violent relationships for very good reasons, including:
- Fear the abuser will take their children
- Families and friends have become frustrated with them and told them they can't help them until they get their lives straightened out
- Fear of ridicule or being told 'I told you so'
- Fear that no one will believe them
- Fear that the abuser will tell immigration to deport the victim
- No money - abuser won't let victim work or has caused victim to lose his or her job
- Isolation from friends and family
- Uncertainty as to how they will handle such big changes
- No childcare
- No access to a vehicle or reliable transportation
- Shame, guilt and depression
More information about domestic violence and community resources is available at the Crystal Judson Family Justice Center or the YWCA of Pierce County.
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